Crushed velour?!? Really?!?

September 30th, 2006

I’m not normally the kind of person to criticize the way one dresses. My boyfriend says I dress like the closet coughed something up on me. But I’ve got to get this out there. When something is so wrong that even I notice, you know it’s wrong. I think it’s important that this person sees this and gets help soon.

Hey, lady. Yeah, you. Riding the #62 Archer bus inbound yesterday afternoon. No, not the one across the ailse from me with the shopping bag. You. The chunky woman in front of me wearing the maroon crushed velour outfit. Hi. You need desperately to be told this: You look (and smell! Dear God!! Why do you smell like it?!) like the bench seat of a 1979 Cutlass Supreme. Don’t ever wear that again, okay? Not to go grocery shopping at Jewel, not while hanging around the block, not even around the house while waiting for your real clothes to wash and dry. Not ever. The 1970s are long over, you weren’t put together by GM, and I’m being completely honest when I say you look ginormously fat in that. If you have friends that said you look good in that, they’re not your friends. I mean, really. Crushed velour?!?

I feel much better now.

Filed Under Randomness, Thoughts
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